How do I look like?

Hello fellas. To be honest, I wrote this post right after I'd seen myself on my photos in FB, when I was attending Oca's 17th birthday.

So, as usual, I'd like to tell you about my mind set before I start, or whatever it is. I'm suffering of Inferiority Complex, if I can say. I always tell myself that I am not good enough in everything. I am not perfect. There are so many people out there who are much better than me. I am just a little bit of trash, or whatever. I am useless. I can't do anything. I can't make something 'huge' to 'wow' people. I can't make my parents proud. I... I... am nobody.

Seems like I'm exaggerating, but seriously and honestly, if you could open or read the thoughts and assumptions inside this head, you would find many other worse things.

So, how could I say like these?

Simple. There was a time when I was still an optimistic kiddo. Maybe, it had been happening until I was at 6th grade. I went to and from school with grin. I did my homework with grin. I studied hard. I did my best. I cried when I was sad. I didn't think any complicated matters, especially about life.

Maybe this is about AGE. I know, I'm getting older and more mature (err, I don't think about this one). It's normal, of course. But, I don't get WHY I could change this far. Five years ago, when I saw my reflection on the mirror, I saw someone who had a happy face. She grinned at me and watched me with her glittering dark-brown eyes.

And now, if I stand in front of a mirror, there will be a reflection. But it must be another person, because I'm kinda sure, there will be no more a kiddo with a happy face, grin, and glittering dark-brown eyes. There will be a girl, short, fat, with unknown-style short hair, black circles under her eyes, big and crooked teeth, and the face? Oh forget it.

Maybe it's all about my appearance. Some people said that the true beauty is from the inside. But, once again, I can't stand on it.

Maybe you think that I want to be a tomboy girl. Wearing t-shirts and jeans all the time, having short hair, don't have any dress or any girls things like heels, accessories, cute things, well something like that. Well, in fact, I don't need those stuffs, really. I'll think many times if you push me to buy heels. I don't want to waste my money (or my parents') on those stuffs.

But, on the other hand, I wish I have something to wear if I have some formal or special occasions and invitations.

Oh, what am I talking? I just feel so miserable this time. I mean, I just can't accept myself, just the way I am. I can't accept if some people give more attention or compare me with my friends, from the appearances.

To BE HONEST, I wish someday I can impress people who always give critics on my style. Some close people said that I'm not that bad. But hey, we can see the truth. I am invisible. We all know the rules.

1. If you looked great=people will recognize you.

2. If you looked great but you have bad attitudes=bitches.

3. If you don't looked great but you have angels's hearts and good attitudes= people will recognize you but so slooooowly.

4. If you are ugly and your hearts are ugly=welcome to the hell.

Err, maybe I'm too rude to write these things. But, this is my opinion about myself. I underestimate myself that low. What a shame. I don't know what I'm going to go, to go, and to what. Just a typical teenager day, where everything becomes complicated, even for the most unimportant little things.